The Pure Water Gazette’s Classification of Vegetarians

Some people still say that being a vegetarian or a vegan is too drastic. Drastic is having your breast or your bowel removed, or being sawed in half, with veins from your leg plugged into your heart; that’s drastic.–Caldwell Esselstyn, Jr., M.D.

Ever wonder what the difference is between a vegan and a vegetarian? A lacto-vegetarian and an ovo-vegetarian? Here’s how the Pure Water Gazette explained the whole business in issue#42.

Non-vegetarians. People who eat cows, horses, pigs, chickens, hummingbirds, orange roughy fish, snails, turtles, dogs, earthworms, etc. To wit, flesh eaters.

Show Biz vegetarians. People who say they are vegetarians on TV talk shows. They do not know that fish and chickens are animals and class themselves as vegetarians because they sometimes don’t finish all of their hamburger.

Lacto-ovo-vegetarians. People who eat no flesh, but do eat the eggs and milk of animals.

Ovo-vegetarians People who eat animals only in unhatched form.

Lacto-vegetarians. People who eat no flesh, but do eat animal milk products.

Vegetarians. People who eat neither flesh, nor fowl, nor egg, nor milk. They carefully avoid foods with hidden animal products, like Jello-O, or lard-cooked beans at Mexican restaurants.

Vegans (Aspiring). People who attempt to neither eat nor use anything of animal origin. They eat no flesh, egg, or milk, wear no leather, wool, fur. feathers, silk or any product of animal origin. They do not eat honey (obtained by exploiting bees), or take vitamins sold in gelatin capsules. They spend  much, much time wondering about these things.

Vegans (Absolute).Dead people.